5 Myths about Marriage Single Ladies Believe

1. You need to know how to cook - I've noticed many young ladies who believe you need to know how to cook to be ready for marriage. So not true! You need to be willing to learn. In the day and age we live in, it is really easy to look up a recipe online or get a recipe book. You just need to be willing to learn. Being a good cook does not equal marriage readiness.

2. The "honeymoon stage" means fireworks everyday - Before I got married my mom told me "Remember, you are two different people with different opinions". Living with somebody new takes some adjusting. Remember you're learning how to live, and deal with somebody other than yourself and your family. The truth is that you will have some tense moments as the two of you are getting used to each other. All healthy of course!

3. Marriage makes you complete - Marriage does not make you complete. Jesus does - getting married does not change that. If two people love God, and let Him make them complete. Imagine how much stronger they can be when they become one!

4. You need to be less independent to be marriage material - This is a tricky one. I remember my dad telling me that mature, educated women intimidated men. Truth is, they intimidate boys (can somebody say ouch?). An education, maturity, and independence (not hardheadedness), does not disqualify you from being marriage material. Now, the humility of a woman is a different thing.  Nobody wants a woman who is throwing her successes in your face daily and making you feel like you aren't enough. Just sayin'.

5. Your future husband will be perfect - Are you, as a future wife perfect? No ma'am. I sure wasn't, I sure aint. The key is finding somebody who has flaws you can live with. *insert thumbs up emoji here*.

There are definitely many many more, but these are only a few. Have a nice week !

Education and The Pride of Life

It's been a little over a year since I graduated with a Bachelor's of Science in Nursing. Not only did I put my parents through 6-ish years of dealing with a moody college/nursing student, but I put my family and friends through a 4+ hour public institution graduation (shout-out to my kindreds and Brother Kifle!). Did I mention that they completely butchered my name when I walked the stage for a glorious 5 seconds? (lol)

I did it because it was considered a right of passage. Also, finding out that I was officially a registered nurse that same morning put me up to the long day.

Now that I am a married woman, left the nest, and have my own job bills to pay I can reflect on my educational journey and common hurdles young apostolics face in college and speak on my personal experiences. 

In a nutshell, I was a first generation college student, daughter to loving immigrant parents; figured out the educational system pretty much by myself, and got into nursing school.

I started out at a local community college where I was part of the Puente Project.  This program completely changed my life and helped me realize my potential and passion. Through this program I did a lot. While I was club president we earned enough money to take a trip to Southern California to look at Universities; we tutored students who were learning English, earned money for Japan after the earthquake, and much more. Even after my days in the program were over, I was asked to be the keynote speaker at some of their events.  (It's actually interesting being able to see these old blog posts.)

Then I was accepted into a very competitive nursing program. So through most of my schooling I was proud of myself, but not in a "I did this myself" type of pride, because I could see Gods hand in every step of the way.

A quick example of this is when I asked God to allow me to get into a nursing school in the Bay Area so I wouldn't have to move away, and it happened. I'm sure there are many individuals as I, who have sought God in all paths and have prospered, but that is not to be misinterpreted to let pride swell. 

As I was getting closer to completing my nursing degree, and didn't have as much time to do community service. I started noticing the flaw, the danger in glorification, if I may call that, outside of the church. 

Recognition, or too much recognition, feeds the self, the ego. During the most invigorating parts of college, I was always tempted (if that's the right word to use) to do more outside of the church. To make this world better. I'm not saying that it's bad, but anything that takes God and his kingdom off of the #1 spot in your life, is not conducive spiritually. 

Thankfully, God was always tugging at my heart and letting me know what way to go. 

I remember turning down a leadership camp to go to Pacific Coast Camp - it hurt.

It hurt this ego of mine! The ego that you have too. Yes you, whoever you are, you have an ego too. What I mean is that you have a fleshly body that loves to be lifted up.

A flesh that has pride. That loves to say - "look what I did"...

"For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world." 1 John 2:6

The older I get, and the longer I walk with Jesus and strive to get closer to Him. The less the cares of this world matter. It's crazy how you could be so passionate about something (mine was serving undeserved populations), and the next thing you know, winning their souls matters more...

I really don't know how to end this post, so I guess I'll just end it by saying that the danger of allowing ourselves to be boasted up in our own wordly accomplishments lies in everything, not only in education. But young people are specifically susceptible in my option

As for me, I thank God that He knows the innermost parts of my heart and knows what is best for me. After all, he did move me from the all-mighty Bay Area to the alien town of Roswell, New Mexico! 

But I guess that's a post for another time. :)

"For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?" Matthew 16:26

What Nobody Talks about After You're Engaged

Oh love, don't we all just love love? and let's not start on engagements. Aren't they exciting? The how, the where, the who, the when.

When we hear about two individuals getting engaged we nearly see floating hearts around the couple every time they walk into a room.

But there are questions, fears - thoughts, that come up with the "yes"  answered to this very important question. (It's the "will you marry me?" question if you didn't figure it out)

I remember being newly engaged, Joe had flown back to New Mexico and I was flooded with different emotions. Good and, not so good. The first not-so-good question that popped into my mind was - "What if he's not the one?" and others followed. Sine there were questions and fears mixed in with the excitement and joy of the engagement, I thought something was wrong with me.

I would go down a mental check list.
  • Pastors approval ✓
  • Parents approval ✓
  • Did I pray/fast about it? ✓
  • Did the important people in my life approve?
And the list went on and on. I knew that above all, I had prayed and fasted about it. That within myself, in front of God during prayer, I knew, HE knew, I would drop the relationship in a second if I ever felt God was telling me to. I had seen too many failed relationships to go against God and the man of God in my life.  

So what was my issue? Was I missing something?

I wasn't.

I was having a normal response to a very important commitment I was going to make in a few months. A response that came up due to my respect for marriage and simply because it was a whole new chapter in my life.  Not only was I going to get married, but I was going to move away from the place I had called home for many years. 

You see, I'm not the type to get carried away with emotion. I thoroughly think things through and I'd like to think I'm pretty logical about things. So when I would hear about young ladies getting swept off their feet and constantly being on cloud 9, I thought I was supposed to act like that too. 

Which is absolutely not true. As our genetic makeup varies, so does our emotional being. Which is why I chose to write this blog post. For other people who think too much like me.

On a happy note - I remember thinking to myself right after the wedding how it felt like none of the doubts were ever there. It was kind of amazing actually, feeling like you're finally with your other half. The half you never knew was missing. 

Before I end this post I have to say that sometimes doubt is a sign that something is wrong. In my case it wasn't, but it's something that needs not to be ignored, just in case something isn't right. Because just because you get the approval from everyone, doesn't necessarily mean you're meant to be with that particular person, but that's a whole other subject.