I Liked Somebody I Shouldn't Have...

As church folk, we know that we must marry within the church, and we WANT to (at least I do!), but there is not a step by step guide on getting there. Also, in world where we remain the minority and our surroundings are filled with unbelievers, the chance of falling into "like" with somebody who doesn't believe as we do is likely.

Recently I saw a young teen from my church a little down (let's call her Ms. Potential), and later found out it was because she fell into "like" with a young man who is not in church. She posted something about it and a youth leaders wife from another service commented saying that she had been through there and that she was praying for her. Me, being younger than that youth leaders wife, was thinking "where was she when I went through this?" (because I did go through it). Not as in a oh-you-weren't-there-for-me sort of way, but in a I-didn't-know-this-happened-to-others-too kind of way.

In all honesty I'm hesitating as I am writing, and I will be hesitating when I am ready to post this because the topic is so personal. But there is a need for it and I feel it in my heart to write about this because I felt so alone and dumb when I was going trough it. So here goes nothing!

When I was 14 I fell in love, AKA  fell really really really really into like with um.. Billy, wait no he is Latino so it can't be Billy, um... with, let's call him Pablito (lol), but then I found somebody I loved more. His name is Jesus. I got baptized on July 10th, 2005, and broke up with Pablito 4 days later. To make long story short I struggled with my feeling for Pablito for a long time (at least it felt like it was an eternity), until I decided to separate myself from my wordly friends in order to really change my life. I changed my number, started going to the church school and cut them off. Although I was just 15ish-16ish I felt lonely, and this is when I learned how to pray and how to rely on God as my support and my friend. Basically, I started living the life of an Apostolic Pentecostal.

So here I am age 16ish, everything's going smoothly and then BAM, I get hit with emotions for Pablito again when I started a program where I saw him again at age 16ish -17ish (I can't remember the time line exactly).
I felt dumb and betrayed by my own heart. I felt like I was reaching for something I wanted and could actually have, yet I couldn't grasp it.

I cried and cried, and prayed, cried some more, talked to my mentor (AKA second mom AKA Sister Curry) and cried some more (typical girl) but you know what? I had made up my mind when I was 14 that he was not what I wanted in my life. I had envisioned a life where I would be dedicated to my God, and there was no room for Pablito. So I let him go, sweet words and everything, said ADIOS!

I guess when my feeling for Pablito came back I was vexed because I figured I was mature enough in God that I wouldn't like somebody who didn't believe as I did, but the heart is deceitful above all things my dear!
I learned so so much from that experience though.

For example:
  • Think with your head NOT your heart
  • The devil often comes back with the same thing just with a different face
  • Praying really helps
  • At the end God knows best 
  • You are not alone, other have gone through the same thing as you
I have seen way too many guys and girls make the wrong decision when falling in love, so ladies and gentlemen,  I repeat think with your head NOT your heart. Ask those you trust for advice and their honesty, no matter how brutal the truth may be. Pray, eat chocolate and keep your eyes on your goal. Oh and don't condemn yourself, guilt is a horrible thing my friend, just let it go and move on.

Most importantly though as a single Apostolic Pentecostal, we must keep in mind what matters most. Jesus, and living for him.Where do we see ourselves in the future? and does Mr.X or Ms.X fit into that picture?

Some day when I have 9 kids (totally kidding) and a husband by my side I will be able to complete this testimony and give more advice, but for now remember:


"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you"
Matthew 6:33



By the way Ms. Potential, (I sent her the link to this post since it was mostly for her) I am so so so so proud of you, you've come such a long way, don't let this bump on the road get to you. You are human and unfortunately you are a teenage human (Hallelujah for being out of the teenage years!), which means you are learning lessons as each day passes by. Know that you are not alone and that God knows the desires of your heart! Okay okay, last but not least I'm ready for some serious teasing from you in church because of this "mom" post. I do it for amor a ti.


Oh and for those who are interested, Pablito and I are still friends and our relationship is strictly platonic. He is going to be a father now and I am the friend he calls when he needs girl advice (and when I graduate nursing school I will be the friend he calls when he needs medical/baby advice lol). He completely respects me and my walk with God. He has even asked for prayer in the past, he is going to be saved some day. I'll write that part in with my complete testimony some day, you know the one where I have kids and a husband.

:)

P.S. I hope nobody thinks I'm carnal now! haha


A Post All About Hanna




  

Holy Names University's view

Last Friday I attended Hanna's crossing over event thingy-majig. Basically she is transferring to Samuel Merrit so she can fully prepare to be a NICU nurse. My dearest Hanna is one of the smartest people I know! No JOKE! This woman has brains, just like her family members. I find it a privileged to be able to study with this big brain on legs (lol), even if they don't teach her much in physiology (I'll never let Holy Names forget that!). Hanna will be a wonderful nurse one day, I'll be taking care of the screaming mom's while she is with the babies. 

Love love love this woman to death! She is honestly Amazing, I don't know what I'm going to do when she gets married and leaves me. haha. 

It was also her birthday last week, so I got to spend some extra time with her. Here are some pictures of the event and ONE picture from her birthday.

 
Jen and I

 Brother and Sister Kifle.. Aweeeee
I think being around a Mexican influenced Coco to take up salsa dancing.
 
Abel being studious as usual.
 Kindreds :)
 This is my point of view of Coco. Yes, I am short and yes, he is tall. I was laughing so hard I almost couldn't take the picture.
 Awe
 
"Wait wait take a picture of me leaving HNU"- Hanna
We sang at a little chapel. We had to rebuke some spirits coming from the idols first though.
 Coco gave Hanna a digital camera for her Birthday! He is sure making her other brother's look bad.. ahem
This was from her birthday party, she looked very Ethiopian with the dress and the hair :D




Hi

Hi I just figured out how to send pictures from my phone onto a web album. Oh and I didn't know that all the pictures I put on my blog also go on Picasa

Yeah.... I'm really not good at this whole technology thing. LOL

I have to write a post about the one and only Hanna! I'll upload pictures tomorrow... I think.
In the meanwhile enjoy these two pictures :)
 My nephew is cute when he likes me and isn't trying to steal my parents from me! About two days ago I walked around the "cute" part of Oakland (There is also a hospital in walking distance just in case you get shot, I mean, it IS Oakland.)
Kindreds!

Chican@/Latino Recognition Night

Today I attended a Chican@/Latino recognition night and to my surprise I received two scholarships. I thought I was only receiving a small scholarship, but the Puente faculty decided to keep the bigger one a secret from me! I can't complain though, I am very very pleased with this!
My mom and nephew came to show some support, the event was short and simple. Ms. Genera spoke on how we are the future and how they understand the struggles that one goes through being first in your family to go to college. Either way I am proud to be a puentista and proud that I am transferring and going to become a nurse! (Watch out ya'll ! Better treat me nice because I may be at your bedside one day!). Another perk of being a Puente student is that I get this awesome sash thingy!  :)

Oh and If you don't know what Puente is I'll have to write a post about this amazing program another time. But in the mean time you can click here and here to get a glimpse into how much of my life Puente has been involved for in the past 2 years-ish.

Si se puede!
My lovely mother and I


 Maggie, Daniel and me.

"Momma Pat", "Tia Phili" and Maggie and I.
One with Ms. Genera!!
My nephew was quite infatuated with Maggie's baby. He wanted to take her home. lol

Annnnd. One more :)

Dear Mary Frances, It's official..

I have the week of July 16th off from my jobs!!!
Which means that by Faith I shall see you in July! I am warning you though, the heat of Arizona may make me start smelling like carne asada. HAHA.

Just an FYI

:)

Oh and I just got a second job so I'll actually be able to afford it. That's important too right?

A Smart Cinco de Mayo

Well the only reason I said it was a "Smart" 5 de Mayo is because I finally have a smart phone!
That means two things:
1. My phone is officially smarter than me (I've never been up to date with technology)
2. I can take pictures now!! YAY

Today I went to a Cinco de Mayo Celebration, but I was only able to see the ending because I got there late. Boo.

BUT I went to McDonald's with my mom, Mary and my monkey (AKA Jaqueline).
I took some pictures because... I can! Yay. lol
 Camera fun!
 My monkey and I
 At the Cinco de Mayo Celebration

Remind Me Who I am - Jason Gray