As church folk, we know that we must marry within the church, and we WANT to (at least I do!), but there is not a step by step guide on getting there. Also, in world where we remain the minority and our surroundings are filled with unbelievers, the chance of falling into "like" with somebody who doesn't believe as we do is likely.
Recently I saw a young teen from my church a little down (let's call her Ms. Potential), and later found out it was because she fell into "like" with a young man who is not in church. She posted something about it and a youth leaders wife from another service commented saying that she had been through there and that she was praying for her. Me, being younger than that youth leaders wife, was thinking "where was she when I went through this?" (because I did go through it). Not as in a oh-you-weren't-there-for-me sort of way, but in a I-didn't-know-this-happened-to-others-too kind of way.
In all honesty I'm hesitating as I am writing, and I will be hesitating when I am ready to post this because the topic is so personal. But there is a need for it and I feel it in my heart to write about this because I felt so alone and dumb when I was going trough it. So here goes nothing!
When I was 14 I fell in love, AKA fell really really really really into like with um.. Billy, wait no he is Latino so it can't be Billy, um... with, let's call him Pablito (lol), but then I found somebody I loved more. His name is Jesus. I got baptized on July 10th, 2005, and broke up with Pablito 4 days later. To make long story short I struggled with my feeling for Pablito for a long time (at least it felt like it was an eternity), until I decided to separate myself from my wordly friends in order to really change my life. I changed my number, started going to the church school and cut them off. Although I was just 15ish-16ish I felt lonely, and this is when I learned how to pray and how to rely on God as my support and my friend. Basically, I started living the life of an Apostolic Pentecostal.
So here I am age 16ish, everything's going smoothly and then BAM, I get hit with emotions for Pablito again when I started a program where I saw him again at age 16ish -17ish (I can't remember the time line exactly).
I felt dumb and betrayed by my own heart. I felt like I was reaching for something I wanted and could actually have, yet I couldn't grasp it.
I cried and cried, and prayed, cried some more, talked to my mentor (AKA second mom AKA Sister Curry) and cried some more (typical girl) but you know what? I had made up my mind when I was 14 that he was not what I wanted in my life. I had envisioned a life where I would be dedicated to my God, and there was no room for Pablito. So I let him go, sweet words and everything, said ADIOS!
I guess when my feeling for Pablito came back I was vexed because I figured I was mature enough in God that I wouldn't like somebody who didn't believe as I did, but the heart is deceitful above all things my dear!
I learned so so much from that experience though.
For example:
- Think with your head NOT your heart
- The devil often comes back with the same thing just with a different face
- Praying really helps
- At the end God knows best
- You are not alone, other have gone through the same thing as you
I have seen way too many guys and girls make the wrong decision when
falling in love, so ladies and gentlemen, I repeat think with your head NOT your
heart. Ask those you trust for advice and their honesty, no matter how
brutal the truth may be. Pray, eat chocolate and keep your eyes on your
goal. Oh and don't condemn yourself, guilt is a horrible thing my
friend, just let it go and move on.
Most importantly though as a single Apostolic Pentecostal, we must keep in mind what matters most. Jesus, and living for him.Where do we see ourselves in the future? and does Mr.X or Ms.X fit into that picture?
Some day when I have 9 kids (totally kidding) and a husband by my side I will be able to complete this testimony and give more advice, but for now remember:
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you"
Matthew 6:33
By the way Ms. Potential, (I sent her the link to this post since it was mostly for her) I am so so so so proud of you, you've come such a long way, don't let this bump on the road get to you. You are human and unfortunately you are a teenage human (Hallelujah for being out of the teenage years!), which means you are learning lessons as each day passes by. Know that you are not alone and that God knows the desires of your heart! Okay okay, last but not least I'm ready for some serious teasing from you in church because of this "mom" post. I do it for amor a ti.
Oh and for those who are interested, Pablito and I are still friends and our relationship is strictly platonic. He is going to be a father now and I am the friend he calls when he needs girl advice (and when I graduate nursing school I will be the friend he calls when he needs medical/baby advice lol). He completely respects me and my walk with God. He has even asked for prayer in the past, he is going to be saved some day. I'll write that part in with my complete testimony some day, you know the one where I have kids and a husband.
:)
P.S. I hope nobody thinks I'm carnal now! haha