I Liked Somebody I Shouldn't Have...

As church folk, we know that we must marry within the church, and we WANT to (at least I do!), but there is not a step by step guide on getting there. Also, in world where we remain the minority and our surroundings are filled with unbelievers, the chance of falling into "like" with somebody who doesn't believe as we do is likely.

Recently I saw a young teen from my church a little down (let's call her Ms. Potential), and later found out it was because she fell into "like" with a young man who is not in church. She posted something about it and a youth leaders wife from another service commented saying that she had been through there and that she was praying for her. Me, being younger than that youth leaders wife, was thinking "where was she when I went through this?" (because I did go through it). Not as in a oh-you-weren't-there-for-me sort of way, but in a I-didn't-know-this-happened-to-others-too kind of way.

In all honesty I'm hesitating as I am writing, and I will be hesitating when I am ready to post this because the topic is so personal. But there is a need for it and I feel it in my heart to write about this because I felt so alone and dumb when I was going trough it. So here goes nothing!

When I was 14 I fell in love, AKA  fell really really really really into like with um.. Billy, wait no he is Latino so it can't be Billy, um... with, let's call him Pablito (lol), but then I found somebody I loved more. His name is Jesus. I got baptized on July 10th, 2005, and broke up with Pablito 4 days later. To make long story short I struggled with my feeling for Pablito for a long time (at least it felt like it was an eternity), until I decided to separate myself from my wordly friends in order to really change my life. I changed my number, started going to the church school and cut them off. Although I was just 15ish-16ish I felt lonely, and this is when I learned how to pray and how to rely on God as my support and my friend. Basically, I started living the life of an Apostolic Pentecostal.

So here I am age 16ish, everything's going smoothly and then BAM, I get hit with emotions for Pablito again when I started a program where I saw him again at age 16ish -17ish (I can't remember the time line exactly).
I felt dumb and betrayed by my own heart. I felt like I was reaching for something I wanted and could actually have, yet I couldn't grasp it.

I cried and cried, and prayed, cried some more, talked to my mentor (AKA second mom AKA Sister Curry) and cried some more (typical girl) but you know what? I had made up my mind when I was 14 that he was not what I wanted in my life. I had envisioned a life where I would be dedicated to my God, and there was no room for Pablito. So I let him go, sweet words and everything, said ADIOS!

I guess when my feeling for Pablito came back I was vexed because I figured I was mature enough in God that I wouldn't like somebody who didn't believe as I did, but the heart is deceitful above all things my dear!
I learned so so much from that experience though.

For example:
  • Think with your head NOT your heart
  • The devil often comes back with the same thing just with a different face
  • Praying really helps
  • At the end God knows best 
  • You are not alone, other have gone through the same thing as you
I have seen way too many guys and girls make the wrong decision when falling in love, so ladies and gentlemen,  I repeat think with your head NOT your heart. Ask those you trust for advice and their honesty, no matter how brutal the truth may be. Pray, eat chocolate and keep your eyes on your goal. Oh and don't condemn yourself, guilt is a horrible thing my friend, just let it go and move on.

Most importantly though as a single Apostolic Pentecostal, we must keep in mind what matters most. Jesus, and living for him.Where do we see ourselves in the future? and does Mr.X or Ms.X fit into that picture?

Some day when I have 9 kids (totally kidding) and a husband by my side I will be able to complete this testimony and give more advice, but for now remember:


"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you"
Matthew 6:33



By the way Ms. Potential, (I sent her the link to this post since it was mostly for her) I am so so so so proud of you, you've come such a long way, don't let this bump on the road get to you. You are human and unfortunately you are a teenage human (Hallelujah for being out of the teenage years!), which means you are learning lessons as each day passes by. Know that you are not alone and that God knows the desires of your heart! Okay okay, last but not least I'm ready for some serious teasing from you in church because of this "mom" post. I do it for amor a ti.


Oh and for those who are interested, Pablito and I are still friends and our relationship is strictly platonic. He is going to be a father now and I am the friend he calls when he needs girl advice (and when I graduate nursing school I will be the friend he calls when he needs medical/baby advice lol). He completely respects me and my walk with God. He has even asked for prayer in the past, he is going to be saved some day. I'll write that part in with my complete testimony some day, you know the one where I have kids and a husband.

:)

P.S. I hope nobody thinks I'm carnal now! haha


9 comments

  1. You are Not carnal!! LOL!

    Thank you for sharing your heart. I have also been there too and it is not fun!! But God is able to guide us if we're willing to yield to Him.

    "Pray, eat chocolate and keep your eyes on your goal." - I would also like to add "eat ice cream". Ice cream is therapeutic.

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  2. Anali,
    I've been reading your blog for quite some time and finally had to comment! I'm sorry you didn't know you weren't the only one who ever liked the wrong person. I could fill quite a book on the subject! There were also Mr. Wrongs who went to church, played the part, etc. But I had a very wise pastor who saw through the facade and by the grace of God I was able to make it through my single years!

    Someday when you have 9 children you'll be able to share your hard earned wisdom with them ;) Waiting on God's best is worth it.

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  3. Jen: Phew!!! I'm so glad you don't think I'm carnal. LOL. Yes it was NO fun, a year can feel like an eternity when you are going through something. I'm more of a chocolate kind of person, not too much ice cream. hahah!! Can't wait to see you in July!


    Kathy: (Not sure to call you Sis.McElhaney Thank you SO much for commenting. Yes I now know that if I go through something the chances are someone somewhere has gone through the same and has lived through it.
    Oh and if I have 9 kids I'll HAVE to gain a LOT of wisdom. :)
    Thanks again for commenting!

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  4. By the way, thank GOD for our pastors who are watching over us..

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  5. Of course you aren't the only one! This has happened to me, but like Sis. McElhaney said, there are a lot of Mr. Wrongs that are even in the church that act the part but don't have a relationship with God! If they're faithful in church attendance but not in a prayer life, not interested! I wish more girls would realize this. And YES, thank God for Pastors who care for our souls and tell us what is right, even if it hurts for a moment.

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  6. I never knew it happened to you kindred,bringing up the past is no point unless it's to "pave the way" for somebody else right?

    I'm sure there are a lot of Mr. Wrongs in church... just haven't and hopefully DON'T get that experience. lol But I do think it's important that girls know this... hmmm.. maybe I'll start posting my thoughts on this stuff more often.. lol

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  7. Ummm, you should have warned me more about this posting. I got all "typical girl" like and had tears in my eyes ;) I think this was a great blog post! And, you KNOW this was so close to home for me!

    The "head over heart" motto is definitely something all us girls need embedded in our brains especially when Mr. not so Right comes snooping around! Thank God for his saving Grace!!

    P.S. I know I say it all the time, but I am so proud of you!
    Love you!!

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  8. Super AWE !
    Thanks you and I'm glad that this post was "relateable" for many.
    Love you too :)

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  9. Mira what Dios has done!

    ~ Your "Super Kindred" ;)

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