Side Note: I wrote my post on Sunday night before Carisa's. It is crazy to me how we did not talk to each other about what we were going to write and our stories sounded similar but kind of flipped. Like she said, maybe we were destined to be friends :D
Growing up my self-esteem was not the greatest, and honestly I have no idea why. I was never teased, I never had problems making friends, and had a great upbringing. I guess it's just one of those things that all girls
(I don't know about guys since I am not one) go through.Which is why I wanted to write about it, because not everybody has a oh-my-word testimony/story, life is just life, girls will be girls, :)
I also wonder if this post will come as a surprise to those that know me well, since what I am about to write about wasn't obvious.
I never wanted anybody's pity
nor did I want people to think that I was fishing for compliments, and that remains the same.
Anyway..
Then...
The struggle with self-esteem can be a long, tough, uncomfortable
journey. One filled with jealousy towards other "prettier" girls and
pessimism towards oneself. At least that's what I experienced. During high school my lowish self-esteem turned into high self-consciousness. I would turn red at an instant due to the smallest mistake, wrong move ect. And then when I would turn red I would turn even redder because of the fact that I was red! I was just a big mess
(Hallelujah for being out of the teenage years) !
This lowish-self esteem was even present during church events. You have to understand that low self-esteem isn't all about feeling low about looks, it's about feeling low in many different areas. Going to conferences was not easy at first, I always felt very plain, very simple, and not in a good way. All these girls would go decked out, and I? I was, well, not. I felt very un-pretty. Of course, that never got in the way of the actual church service,
but feeling invisible in a group was not a good feeling. I wouldn't even try to socialize much at first, I just went for God, period. I didn't feel important, didn't feel like I was worth getting to know. I also remember there was a particular friend who I jealous of for some reason, she was beautiful and everywhere we went she got attention. This was my mentality then: she sings better than me, she plays better than me, she's prettier than me = she's better than me.
What Changed...
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One of the fundraisers I put together. |
Well things began to change when I entered college and as I got closer
to God, I started noticing I had some things that this "pretty friend"
didn't. Yeah she could sing better than me and play the piano better
than me, but she didn't have desire to live for God and eventually
backslid. Yeah she was gorgeous, but she had a flirting problem, I
didn't.
(Please note that this individual I am referring to is not a blogger so stop being nosy lol). I started noticing
my strengths, not my weaknesses.
As I continued my time in school I found out several things about myself I didn't know. First off, I could actually ace all my classes (yay) and people thought I was smart. No seriously, even when I had no idea what was going on people still thought I knew everything, it was quite entertaining actually. Anyway, so I started actually believing in myself and in my abilities. Then my leadership skills started getting more fine tuned. As year two rolled around the corner I found myself president of a club. I organized all sort of stuff and bossed people around! It was great!! Okay just kidding, I didn't boss anybody around, but I found out I could lead
(and later found out that just because you can lead, doesn't mean you want to.
) Any leader out there will let you know that you can't exactly be a dynamic leader if you aren't confident in your abilities.
As I started getting to know myself and actually liking and believing in myself, the whole image-conscious part of me just faded away.
As far as feeling like the ugly duckling at conferences and stuff, that faded too, because the growing hunger for God left less and less room to compare myself negatively to anybody. Plus, I started appreciating my simple style and life because I noticed it was very convenient at conferences,
more time to sleep in and less luggage. LOL. Recently I was reflecting back to my low self-esteem days and noticed that being negative has a way of blurring your vision. All I saw was the fancy gal's, I never noticed other bun-wearing girls like me. Now I do of course, but bun or not, I don't care! Everybody is different, everybody has different strengths and weaknesses.
It's not about who is better, it is about being comfortable in your own skin and finding your unique qualities.
Look,
Maybe you are not a beauty queen, but you may be one of the sweetest people around.
(I sure aint. lol)
Maybe your hair doesn't reach the ceiling during conferences, but you are a worshiper.
Yes the girl next to me
may be prettier than you, but maybe she's struggling with something you are not.
Yes, you may be the plain Jane for the most part, but don't you prefer to be "plain" and get noticed by the
one right guy instead of
100000 wrong ones?
(That's how I feel)
Everybody is different, unique, just find out what is you.
So, in conclusion the best advice that I could give anybody with low self-esteem is:
1. Get busy in the things of God.
2. Find your strengths and fine-tune those.
3. Start looking for the good in places, not the bad.
Before I end this post, I do want to say that being comfortable in your own skin and being confident in your abilities and strengths does not mean that you wont have down days. Everybody has those days when they feel less pretty than the day before and days when they feel prettier. It's a matter of shaking it off and not entertaining negative thoughts, it's all about attitude.
(P.S. Why aren't you people commenting on this stuff. Do you understand how personal this stuff is to us?.Geessh.. now go back and read the posts.. ALL OF THEM... lol... No but seriously, I hope all of our posts can help somebody somewhere)