*Disclaimer: The content you are
about to read is in no way meant to evoke pity or other emotions of that
sort. It is the hope of the author that
the content will be a help to those who need encouragement.*
To be
honest, this self-esteem post is pretty hard for me to write. The only way I know how to truly be a help is
to be honest about my struggle with self-esteem. I know there are people out there who have
never had a bout with it, and to those people, God bless you. However, I know what it is like to constantly
battle with feeling substandard. In
fact, I am still in the process of healing.
As I begin
my post of encouragement, I will give a brief history of my struggle. When I
was in my preteen years, I was awkward looking.
I was chunky with big feet, long fingers, and buck teeth. To make a long story shorter, I was(am)
highly critical of myself and that got me into trouble when I was in high
school. I constantly compared myself to
others, thought they had it way easier in life because they were prettier so
they were able to make friends, be more included and so forth. It was during this time that I was close to a
girl who was not a good influence and who I wanted to be like. She was skinny,
bubbly, pretty, guys always liked her, and people were always around her. This is when I thought skinny equaled pretty. So, I barely ate and I tried to get as skinny
as I could be. Think this indicates
problems with self-esteem, confidence, and self-image? You are right. During this time, I was doing great in school
and involved in church. But inside, I was miserable and going through a dark
time in my life. When you are not
comfortable with who you are and what you look like, it is hard to get along
with others because you think they think horrible things about you but it is
really your own mind that is messed up.
It was also around this time that I was always being talked to by
authorities in my life because people would say I was snobby. However, to me, I was not snobby. I was shy and did not know how to conduct
myself around people because I did not like myself so I figured they would not
like me either. Anyways, this all
accumulated into nights where I would go to sleep on a wet pillow and a heart
torn into pieces. I did not know how to
cure what I had done to my own self.
This is only
part of my story and most people, except my family, do not know about these
intense struggles. A word of advice-many
of us do not know what people are going through just by looking at them and seeing
them interact with others. Some people
that struggle have the ability to look okay on the outside but be in the midst
of a tsunami in the inside. I know
because I am one of those people. Now
the point of this post is to help and
encourage those who have these struggles. The way I got through this storm in my life
is PRAYER, the relationship with my parents, and those who cared about me. Let me tell you, it is so very important to
pay attention to the people you surround yourself with. That is a major component of how you look at
yourself. We get our self-image from the
mirror, ourselves, family, peer group, and most importantly, God’s Word.
One major
area I would like to address that I feel most girls struggle with when their
dealing with self-esteem is style. For
the Pentecostal girls still in middle and high school, I have seen the
difficulty they have looking like a Pentecostal and being comfortable in their
own skin. The styles of this world are
gross to put it nicely. Do not be
embarrassed or feel awkward when people stare at you and look you up and down
because you are actually wearing
clothes that cover you. Just because girls who wear styles that are
not modest walk around like they think they are something does not mean they
have self-esteem. Because they all look
alike and do not have their own personal modesty and wear heels that are higher
than their moral standards does not mean they have self-esteem. Dressing modestly,
being a godly lady whole heartedly exhibits self-esteem. Continuing and practicing this increases your
confidence in which God created you to be.
If you struggle with self-esteem, like I did, you must also increase
your self-regard. We all know about the
armor of God that is written about in Ephesians 6. As a woman, apply the armor of God to guard
what you look at, what you are drawn to, and what styles are being promoted to
you. Style and fashion are areas that
have been major influencers not only in the world but in the church. What do your clothes say about you? In my opinion, what a woman wears clearly
dictates what she stands for, what she wants to look like, appear to be, wants
to affiliate herself with, and how highly she thinks of herself. 1 Peter 3:3-6 tells us that our beauty should
come from “…your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
Who are we trying to please anyways? Each other? No, we are supposed to be pleasing God. On a side note, when I had low self-esteem
and would attend conferences, I would very much feel like the ugly duckling
when I saw all the girls dressed up and had their hair done all fancy. I am a bun girl who is satisfied with a few
curls here and there and does not dress to the nines. However, I have decided that as long as I am
comfortable, am clean and look as nice as I possibly can, nothing else matters
because I am trying to please God alone.
It cracks me up to see girls sneakily trying to check each other out
trying to see what they are wearing, etc.
So, anyways, to increase your self-esteem, try walking with your back
straight, head held high, and confident in who God created you to be! A modest
skirt, below elbow sleeves, modest necklines, modest shoes, and long hair is
style. That is self-esteem. That is showing people just by how you dress
and conduct yourself what you think about you and what you think about the God
you serve and created you. Modesty shows
that you are not intending to draw attention to yourself but to who you are on the inside which is what
attracts other people and God. Inward
attitudes, I believe, express themselves physically.
As I
mentioned before, friends are an important aspect of self-esteem. Be careful
about who you call a friend. I had to learn the hard way. Ask God to bless you with the right friends
who are like-minded and who will draw you closer to Him. Show yourself friendly. I went through many trials, tests, and times
when I felt like I was all alone. I
cannot tell you how thankful and grateful I am for the friends God has blessed
me with. They have helped me in so many
ways and one of them being my self-esteem.
Surround yourself with good people.
One more
major topic I want to address when discussing self-esteem is…guys. Why is it that being pretty and attracting
the opposite sex are the two biggest
plagues of the female species?? Believe
me, I am still trying to follow my own “preaching.” Place your heart in the hands of God and He
will place it in the hands of a man
who deserves it. Pray for a man who will
draw you closer to God and who loves God more than anything. If you do not love yourself, how can you
expect the only person on earth who will know you the most intimately (besides
your mom and dad) to love you? What do
you think God thinks, the one who created your every fiber, when he sees you
degrade yourself and think negatively?
It is like when you give someone a gift you especially picked for them
and think they would love it and when they see it they throw it on the ground,
trample it, spit on it, roll it in mud and water all in front of you. God made you for a purpose. He created you with someone in mind who will
love every part of you. He gave you the
gift of life to use it for Him, not to worry about what you look like and if
you will get married.
The pain and
struggles I have gone through with self-esteem is kind of sad because they are
all self-inflicted wounds, scars I have given
myself. Everything I have written in
this post is to help you not do what I did.
If you do not like what you see on the outside, close your eyes and try
to see from your heart. Guard your
heart. Make sure your heart is
clean. Prayer works wonders. Drawing close to God works. Excel at developing
who God made you to be instead of trying to compete with others or wanting to
be what you perceive someone else to be.
We all have our own struggles. Be
yourself in God. One of my favorite
verses for self-esteem is Psalm 139:13-17, “For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s
womb. I praise you being I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full
well. My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of
the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed
body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them
came to be. How precious to me are your
thoughts, God!” You are custom made by
God. How neat is that! As you increase your self-esteem, remember
that your goal is to be counted worthy.d
-Eliana Tarazon